The side view of an airplane taking off from an airport. Faith

Trouble Flying

The view through the window of an airplane looking out over the wing. Surrounding the wing of the airplane is a blue sky with white clouds and the sun shining brightly, washing out the color just above the end of the wing.
Photo by Ross Parmly on Unsplash

Trouble Flying

I am not ashamed to admit that I have trouble flying on airplanes. I have not done any digging to find where this stems from. I feel the same about airports and hospitals. I would rather not be in either place. Both take a toll on me. I assume that it has something to do with not liking the crowds and being an empath. Being an empath can be very overwhelming at times. Read more about living as an empath here. (coming soon)

It takes a lot to get me on a plane and even more to be comfortable on one.

Fear of Flying

Early on, I said that I have a fear of flying. At one time, I am sure I did, mostly due to the unknown and having never done it, in the beginning.

I had a hard time, wanting to be in control of things, not having any control, and spiraling into panic. How did I overcome this? I leaned on my faith.

Faith

I do not have the typical fear of flying. Due to my journey and healing, I have developed tremendous faith that carries me through situations such as these. I do not want to die but I do not fear death. Having faith in God is more liberating than I can explain. This is what my most helpful tool was on my recent flights.

I found immense comfort in letting go and letting God handle this situation. I am sensitive to movement and tend to get dizzy and sick easily. I believe this is a trauma response to anxiety symptoms. What is a trauma response? Read more bout that here. (coming soon) Being sensitive to motion also stems from that lack of control issue I mentioned earlier.

But, you say you have healed your anxiety…

Yes, I still deal with this even though I am in a much better place than before. Although you can heal from anxiety, that nosy anxiety monster still tries to weasel his way back in where you are most vulnerable. I have learned to expect it and now come prepared. The good news is that as we heal, it is much harder for anxiety to take control. We become resilient, and our tools become weapons to defend against anxiety. My greatest weapon will always be my faith.

Did I have trouble flying this time?

Let me start by saying the last time I flew, I only made it through by telling myself I never have to do it again. I was so sick and nearly threw up on the plane. I am sure I caused quite a scene by breathing so rapidly. I am surprised I didn’t hyperventilate. Every fluctuation in movement was excruciating. I couldn’t understand how people can be so nonchalant about flying when I felt so terrible.

Well, what do you know, here I was again faced with flying. I could have let that traumatic experience shut me down and just given up. Instead, I became empowered. That last terrible experience was several years before the height of my anxiety and panic. In fact, I didn’t even realize until recently that my experience was likely caused by anxiety. I made the decision to face the situation head on.

Was it challenging? Yes. Did I survive? Yes. Am I proud of myself? Hell Yes! Would I do it again? Also yes!

Several things that helped my trouble flying

  1. Prayer -I prayed daily in preparation.
  2. Noise cancelling earbuds -I listened to my praise playlist, which I titled “My Strength” and it was nothing short of it!
  3. Focused breathing -read about my favorite technique here.
The view through the window of an airplane. Inside the window, the plane is dark. A dark shadow surrounds the inside of the window. Through the window, the wing is visible as a black silhouette with a light lit up on the end of the wing. The sky is blue through the upper portion of the window and changes into a red sunset with clouds towards the bottom half of the window.
Photo by Leonardo Yip on Unsplash

I prayed, I praised God and… I did it!

(Coming soon) Click here for more on how to prepare to fly with anxiety.

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Anxiety

From Surviving to Living: A battle with anxiety.

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Surrounded by crushing darkness every moment of every day.

A Battle with Anxiety

Surrounded by crushing darkness every moment of every day. Forced to spend every ounce of energy on simply being while desperately grasping to connect to life happening all around and, with great regret, passing by. Every sound, sensation, word, flooding in with debilitating panic. Suffocating inside myself. Death beating on the door leaving behind extreme mental and physical exhaustion. Desperate to live and stop simply surviving. This is a small glimpse into the anxiety and panic I have battled with.

A woman without a smile on her face, sitting in darkness while hugging her knees to her chest. There is a shadow across her face and body. This represents the crushing darkness of anxiety.
Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash

Understanding Anxiety

One cannot truly understand anxiety unless they have experienced it in some form. Life happens around you while you are forced to remain focused on putting one foot in front of the other. From the outside it seems so simple as if someone could choose another thought or feeling. Someone who doesn’t understand and wants to help may suggest that you just relax or tell you, “don’t worry it will all be okay”. If only we could not worry and believe everything would be okay.  

A woman with mascara-smudged eyes holding a paper in front of her mouth that has a smile drawn on it. This represents the desire to choose another emotion, such as happiness, while dealing with anxiety and panic.
Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash
A side profile of a woman's body standing in front of a scenic mountain area. There are trees, mountains, and clouds in the landscape behind her. Sun is shining upon her face and the front of her body while she closes her eyes and looks up toward it with her hands raised in a position similar to praying hands under her face. The scene evokes a sense of thankfulness, serenity, and calmness.
Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

Surviving Anxiety

I have discovered that while we are chained to looking in to survive there is an alternate existence that seems unattainable.

It is there just waiting for us to be ready, when we can finally look out to LIVE life.

I remain immensely thankful for every bit of support I receive while feeling like a burden. I have felt so weak and helpless. Finally, coming to the realization that I may feel helpless and incredibly weak but am the absolute opposite.

A beautiful black and white photo of a majestic-looking lion's face and mane. Evoking a sense of strength and calmness.
Photo by Dustin Humes on Unsplash

Nobody surviving anxiety and panic is anything less than a warrior!

Anxiety Recovery

It takes the greatest strength one could possibly possess. Many people don’t think they could ever be that strong until it is the only option you have left. This is finding hope. Unwinding the knots, changing the gaze from in to out and moving from surviving to living. This is finding joy. Recognizing hope and joy and believing that life can be more than anxiety and panic that is seeking peace.

Sunset at a beach that is filled with rocks near the shore. A woman stands, soaking up the sun shining upon her. Her arms are outstretched to her sides at shoulder height as her hands and fingers flex further outstretched behind her as if she was flying. The whole scene is washed out by the glow of the sun upon the woman, creating a sense of freedom, peace, and gratefulness.
Photo by Fuu J on Unsplash

Living with Anxiety

 Today I live mostly in peace and am eternally grateful for every moment of that sweet relief. Spoiler, anxiety doesn’t just go away however it can be a part of you that you no longer allow to have the power it once did.

That is the greatest battle I have won.

I remain steady in His peace as I run each day into the storm. How did I get here? Stay tuned for more about that and the things I find joy, hope and peace in, each day. Please subscribe.

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