Anxiety

From Surviving to Living: A battle with anxiety.

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Surrounded by crushing darkness every moment of every day.

A Battle with Anxiety

Surrounded by crushing darkness every moment of every day. Forced to spend every ounce of energy on simply being while desperately grasping to connect to life happening all around and, with great regret, passing by. Every sound, sensation, word, flooding in with debilitating panic. Suffocating inside myself. Death beating on the door leaving behind extreme mental and physical exhaustion. Desperate to live and stop simply surviving. This is a small glimpse into the anxiety and panic I have battled with.

A woman without a smile on her face, sitting in darkness while hugging her knees to her chest. There is a shadow across her face and body. This represents the crushing darkness of anxiety.
Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash

Understanding Anxiety

One cannot truly understand anxiety unless they have experienced it in some form. Life happens around you while you are forced to remain focused on putting one foot in front of the other. From the outside it seems so simple as if someone could choose another thought or feeling. Someone who doesn’t understand and wants to help may suggest that you just relax or tell you, “don’t worry it will all be okay”. If only we could not worry and believe everything would be okay.  

A woman with mascara-smudged eyes holding a paper in front of her mouth that has a smile drawn on it. This represents the desire to choose another emotion, such as happiness, while dealing with anxiety and panic.
Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash
A side profile of a woman's body standing in front of a scenic mountain area. There are trees, mountains, and clouds in the landscape behind her. Sun is shining upon her face and the front of her body while she closes her eyes and looks up toward it with her hands raised in a position similar to praying hands under her face. The scene evokes a sense of thankfulness, serenity, and calmness.
Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

Surviving Anxiety

I have discovered that while we are chained to looking in to survive there is an alternate existence that seems unattainable.

It is there just waiting for us to be ready, when we can finally look out to LIVE life.

I remain immensely thankful for every bit of support I receive while feeling like a burden. I have felt so weak and helpless. Finally, coming to the realization that I may feel helpless and incredibly weak but am the absolute opposite.

A beautiful black and white photo of a majestic-looking lion's face and mane. Evoking a sense of strength and calmness.
Photo by Dustin Humes on Unsplash

Nobody surviving anxiety and panic is anything less than a warrior!

Anxiety Recovery

It takes the greatest strength one could possibly possess. Many people don’t think they could ever be that strong until it is the only option you have left. This is finding hope. Unwinding the knots, changing the gaze from in to out and moving from surviving to living. This is finding joy. Recognizing hope and joy and believing that life can be more than anxiety and panic that is seeking peace.

Sunset at a beach that is filled with rocks near the shore. A woman stands, soaking up the sun shining upon her. Her arms are outstretched to her sides at shoulder height as her hands and fingers flex further outstretched behind her as if she was flying. The whole scene is washed out by the glow of the sun upon the woman, creating a sense of freedom, peace, and gratefulness.
Photo by Fuu J on Unsplash

Living with Anxiety

 Today I live mostly in peace and am eternally grateful for every moment of that sweet relief. Spoiler, anxiety doesn’t just go away however it can be a part of you that you no longer allow to have the power it once did.

That is the greatest battle I have won.

I remain steady in His peace as I run each day into the storm. How did I get here? Stay tuned for more about that and the things I find joy, hope and peace in, each day. Please subscribe.

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